Episode 22: Living A Creative And Prosperous Life with Dina Grishin
Listen to the podcast here:
Episode 22: Living A Creative And Prosperous Life with Dina Grishin
I have the pleasure of speaking with Dina Grishin, certified life coach and expert in helping creatives create prosperous lives while pursuing their creative passion. Dina shares with us the ten steps of her creative and prosperous program.
Dina, welcome. It’s a pleasure to be speaking with you.
It’s an absolute pleasure and an honor to be here. Thank you for having me.
I’m glad you could be here. Dina, I typically like to start off by having you share some background about yourself and how it is you came into coaching.
I started off with studying Psychology at Uni because I absolutely love the mind, human mind. I loved my years there. I was always in the library. I was a bit perplexed at the end because I knew I wanted to help people, but I also knew I didn’t want to be a therapist. At the time, positive psychology hadn’t made its way to the UK shores. I’m based in London, so I haven’t heard of positive psychology and I didn’t know that there was a whole positive side to psychology. When I was studying psychology, I loved it but I felt like we were looking at problem-solving and talking about it. I felt something was missing and I didn’t know what it was. I graduated and went to work in many different places. I kept trying to find fulfillment in all these different jobs, but never quite finding it until I accidentally stumbled upon positive psychology in a chapter of a book I was reading. It was the biggest light bulb moment in the world. I was like, “This is it. This is what I want to be studying. This is my type of psychology. How, what, when, when can I start? Take my money. Who needs my money?”
It’s amazing, Dina, how many coaches have that same experience, that a-ha moment like they’ve found what they had been looking for.
To anyone else that hasn’t found it yet, don’t give up. It will come. When it does, then all the reasons for why you hadn’t found it a year earlier, two years earlier, three years earlier will make sense. Trust that. I found it and I also found a Master’s in it, a Master’s in Applied Positive Psychology and Coaching Psychology because I realized that while positive psychology was great, it needed a vehicle. Coaching and positive psychology were wonderfully married together because they are both action-orientated and they were more solution-focused and driven towards happiness, success and defining what those things were. It was the most perfect Master’s in the world. I did that and then got myself a coach to become a coach. A coach is a shortcut to happiness and what you want to be. You definitely need the handholding outside your comfort zone when you’re anxious and thinking, “Is this right? I’m pretty sure all my alarm bells are going off. I think I shouldn’t be here.” You need someone to say this is exactly what outside your comfort zone feels like.
Dina, it’s a great example of how you never stopped growing yourself.
It’s wonderful as well. Anytime I’ve been in between coaches, for example, and been getting along and doing growth, I’ve caught myself being busy. Then I realized that I need a kick up. Once I get a coach, it’s exponential growth. That’s what I love about coaching. I graduated and I started coaching. My original niche, my expertise was the quarter-life crisis. That was because I’d been through one. In my twenties, the quarter-life crisis is typically from age about 25 to 35. It’s this feeling that you’ve done everything right, you’ve gone to school and graduated and you’ve got a job and maybe a promotion, but you’ve got this feeling that something is missing and the things that were making you happy before aren’t making you happy anymore and you don’t know what happiness is for you. Those were my original clients.
That emerging adulthood stage?A coach is a shortcut to happiness and what you want to be. Click To Tweet
Yes, absolutely. The thing if you’ve just been going on autopilot almost and you’ve done all the steps that you think you should have done and then you get there and you think, “This wasn’t how I thought I was going to feel.” I landed my dream job. I can only describe this job as something that popped off my vision board because I had started coaching and started my website and launched it. I was doing all the things, but what I wanted to do was just coach day in, day out. I didn’t want to do the marketing, the selling, the copywriting, the newsletters, all of that. I wanted to get the coaching hours underneath my belt, get the experience. In my vision board, I was working for this amazing company that would work with creatives.
The job that came to me was a full-time life coaching job, which doesn’t exist. It’s like having like a full-time acting job. It’s Monday to Friday, you come in and you coach, relax, it’s fine, we’ve got your back. I was head of coaching for this company called Mastered, which was an online career accelerator program for creatives wanting to enter the fashion industry. It was around about 1,000 creatives every single year from all around the world. While they were on this career accelerator journey, we also provided them with coaching because if they’re doing anything to do with growth, then they will be outside their comfort zone. I set up the coaching department and hired the coaches for the program. We’d have Skype sessions, half-hour sessions for everyone in and just coached creatives day in, day out from all around the world, all ages, all gender, everyone into the best version of themselves. It’s amazing how much experience and practice I’ve got. I realized even though we have an hour for coaching and I now give my clients an hour, we get so much done in half an hour as well. It’s given me the huge concentrated experience in those years of doing head of coaching.
What a wonderful opportunity both for you and for the creatives.
I got to meet them. I’m an academic. I’m a researcher by nature, so I was taking copious notes about themes and thinking, “Maybe I could do book on this or maybe this,” and then it was so clear that the next stage of my growth was to work for myself. Instead of a book, which is a book is good and I think I will create one but do action learning. That is how I created my second-year program, Creative AND Prosperous, the antidote to the struggling artists. I collected all the notes I have those two years of all the different themes and it was the same themes I saw coming up over and over again.
It’s the common blocks people have.
I knew the creative’s minds and worlds so well that’s why the next step was to create program for them. Concentrated experience, my experience and what would help the techniques that I knew tried and tested on me and all my clients that I knew would help. I think you had a question about why creatives, which is a genuine question. I don’t know, I just gravitated to that group. I didn’t classify myself as a creative because I think a lot of people when they think of creativity, they think of the first time they stumbled upon creativity, which was when they were younger. It’s all about coloring and paints and maybe music. I see a lot of people disqualifying themselves from being creative. I for sure was one of them. I realized creative mind is someone that solves problems, thinks of innovative ways solutions and ways to be more productive. That is also another definition of creativity.
Also, I realized that coaching is a very creative thing to be doing because it’s quite subjective. You are putting out into the world your version of what growth and helping people is like, just like anyone else is putting out their version of music, their version of dance, their version of words or fiction. I realized that I am a creative, but I realized that after I was already coaching creative. The reason I gravitated towards them is because I can be still when their mind jumps around because it does. When they’re explaining, they get really passionate and inspired by an idea, their mind goes here and there and this could be that and then in the future but also this is because of my past. They catch themselves and they go, “I’m so sorry. Is this making any sense?” I’m like, “Yes, I followed all that,” I can be still while your mind jumbles around and then I can make it here in the end and then play it back and say, “Is this it?” When they hear it in a narrative in a style like that, they go, “Yes, finally.”
Dina, I love the expanded definition of being creative. I also imagine that a lot of creatives absolutely need coaching because a lot of society would say, “You can’t make a living doing that.” They must come up against a lot of programming from society or from others that might limit them as well.
We grow up with these stereotypes as well, the struggling artists. We have that embedded in our mind that either I can be rich and prosperous or I can follow my passion and be poor and creative. It’s very black and white thinking. Those beliefs are for sure the conscious beliefs guide you, and that’s what then they create in the world. Maybe a happy life but struggling life, but they’re doing what they love. There’s so much emotion tied up in that. Whereas my program, Creative AND Prosperous, is saying you can definitely 100% do both and it invites everyone, creatives and clients, to play with that idea. You can be creative and prosperous. How would that look like? What is a prosperous creative and make that brought in over themselves into reality?
Dina, I’m excited to hear more about the Creative AND Prosperous program you’ve established for your clients.
It’s a 90-day program. The reason it’s 90 days is because that is how you rev up a car and you start momentum. It’s like intensely you have to go in and this is what we’re doing. We’re going to transform your life. It’s been tried and tested because I’ve tried once every month coaching, but this with creatives works best. We follow ten steps. It’s three steps, one, two, three every single week and then there’s a break because I know life gets in the way and you need some time to digest. Then it’s four, five, six and a break, and then final home run, the last four steps. We start off with, like most coaching starts off with, getting a crystal clear vision of what your best possible future is like. The way I do it is I, first of all, take stock and ask whether they’ve set goals before, what their relationship with goals is like. I’ve had a client who didn’t set goals and she used to purposely try to avoid it. When I asked why and what and we explored, it was because her dad was from the military and he’s someone who’s a very stern man and he believes if there’s any first place, second place is for losers.
If you say you’re going to do something, you should be man your word. She grew up with a rule in her life. It’s like if she says something, she has to do it and there’s no failing or coming second about it. She has to do it 100%. She ended up not saying that she was going to do things, not setting herself on goals or achievements because she was scared of failing, disappointing her dad terribly. We look at what your relationship was like with goals and then we completely change it. We can do something that you absolutely love doing. The way I do it is I see lots of people looking at goals like a to-do list. For example, people want to feel good in their bodies and their goal then is to go to the gym five times a week. It becomes a to-do list that they just have to go through and get done.
If you think about it a different way, instead of a to-do what you have to do, think about who you want to be and you think about to feel goals. I want to get my clients to viscerally envisage the life they want to create this time next year or whenever it is and to tell me about how they’re going to feel, how they’re going to move, what they’re going to wear. To make it 3D and HD clear in their mind. They know that they’ve been chasing the feeling rather than just going through a to-do list with no emotions and a feeling attached to it.
Using their imagery but fully immersing them in the image they’re creating.
I go through all, which is business, wealth, health, relationships, happiness. That is also another reason that I work with creatives because their business and their life is one. It doesn’t mean there’s no ground as of Monday to Friday. That means I can coach them on everything. How you do one thing is how you do everything. I do believe in not blocking out areas of your life because there are lots of clues there on how you function. We go on after that to the strengths and values. I figured out where you’re going. I make sure also that we set goals that you think are achievable, we can get done quickly and then big stretch goals. I call them audacious goals and you’re like, “Who am I to do this?” Once you’ve done that, obviously those things will come up with like, “Why am I doing these goals?” We look at your strengths and what is so special about you.
Because I have the positive psychology training, I use the Character Strengths, the VIA, Values In Action. If anyone wants to look at their strength, it’s VIACharacter.org. It gives you your top five strengths and their values in action kind of strength. It’s something like creativity, honesty, kindness, perspective and it gives you a picture of what you got going on and what is your vibe. I want clients to own that, own their strengths. A lot of the time we look at things we need to improve upon and change where we’re not good enough. It’s important to take time to appreciate what is working.
Dina, I like to use sometimes, especially with discovering your strengths, with an assessment tool like you mentioned. At least what I find is a lot of times people’s greatest strengths, they don’t realize, they overlook because it happened so naturally to them, they don’t see it as a big deal. They’re like, “Why can’t everyone do that?”
“Doesn’t everyone function like this completely?” You need to be there with someone else. They have creativity or kindness for example, I say, “Where does it show up?” I name all the places and it’s like the memory gets jilted. They go, “This happens.” In the same session, we also go through values because one feeds into the other. Values is not an everyday conversation we have. What do I value? What is important in my life? It’s the basis of all decision-making. For example, if someone values adventure and adrenaline and then they will create a life for themselves that has that. They might go to extreme sports and they will never find an office job. They’ll veer towards that. You’ll see the results that people living are because of the values they have. Some people value security.
What I realized is a lot of the time my client’s values come from their parents. Everyone’s values comes from their parents. You never sit down and pick your values at any age. You absorb values amongst your parents and media as well, films that you love to watch. It gets imprinted upon you and then it becomes a blueprint of how you live your life without you even knowing it. Sometimes you’re following a path that you don’t even know where it’s leading to ponder and think, “Is this what I wanted? I’ve done the right thing.” This was a little bit of what my crisis clients had.
With my clients, I ask them, “What is important to you now?” Then looking at their parents’ values and thinking, “Is this you or is this just something that you’ve been doing on autopilot?” I had a client who has a wonderful creative space in Portugal and she’s a leader. When you can hear her speak, she’s got these innovative ideas. When you’re leading, you want innovative ideas, what you’re going to be doing is you’ll be risking things. You’ll be putting new things out on the world and you don’t know if it’s going to work or not. In a session we had, it was about values. Her parents were hugely risk-averse. Safety and security were very important for them and their generation and at the times that they were growing up. That’s the thing they taught her, to go for safety and not take risks. When we explored it, we see this is why she has this anxiety about the part that she was going to take, the risks she was going to take because she had this judgment that it was wrong. We realized what happened is it wasn’t a judgment. It was just her parents’ value saying, “Don’t do that,” but that she could step away from those values. Understand, appreciate them but leave them to her parents and choose her own ones that are going to guide for the next stage of her life.
It’s the process of being able to look at and then consciously choose values that deeply resonate with you.How you do one thing is how you do everything. Click To Tweet
After that, after visioning the strength and values, we get practical and we go straight into time management, which I am very organized. I can help my clients with structure. A lot of the time, as you probably find with your client, it’s not about managing time. Managing time is not a problem. You showed up here at the allotted time and people show up at work at the allotted time. It’s not about that. It is about managing your mind about time and within the time that you set. For creatives, what happens is usually they allot themselves the time, say a whole Saturday, to pursue their creative passion project. They’ll have work that they’re doing either commercially or maybe they’ll have like a full-time job that’s not exactly what they want to be doing, but they’re doing their passion projects and working on their business on the side. What happens when you allot someone a whole Saturday, the brain freaks out. It’s a lot of pressure to be creative. If you ask anyone, you probably as well, your best ideas just come to you. Usually when you’re doing the dishes or in the shower, when you haven’t planned time for it, it just come to you. It feels so good when they do because you’ve put zero effort into it and they just arrive neatly packaged. When you clear your whole diary and say, “Come now,” it’s a lot of pressure like, “No, this is too much.”
Like inspiration on demand.
It feels too pressured and then feel so bad. They sit down and they procrastinate or distract themselves and then they get very angry with themselves, “Why can’t I do this? Why can’t I do it?” They say, “Nothing wrong with you. It’s just the way of going about it.” The way we do is we do it in chunks. I say, “Give yourself that Saturday to rest, especially if you have that job.” Put an hour in on a Tuesday and the Thursday e an hour and a half. The brain can only concentrate for those amounts of time anyway, maximum 90 minutes. Give yourself that time and put a clock on it. Take away Facebook, take away distractions, sit down and just write or paint or come up with something and don’t judge yourself on doing it. You have the moment on Tuesday, you’re just gathering information, you’re depositing whatever is in your mind. That’s what they do. On Thursday, then you can go in and edit or rearrange. That way it breaks it up and it’s so much easier and it’s less pressure and it means that they come up so much more stuff because on that Wednesday and their brains deposit the first ideas without judgment, it’s then created space for more ideas to come in. It comes in fast if you’ve got any more ideas and build and refine it. Time management is just tweaking. I’m only doing that process, which has been foolproof for my creatives.
I like that strategy. It takes a lot of the pressure off and then the ideas and the inspiration can flow more naturally.
I always say have a little journal that you keep around or in your phone, notes to capture ideas and then just pad them out. You’ll know that your brain will come up with a million ideas. Don’t feel guilty that you’re not executing a million ideas this year. The right one, the right time right now will come to you and it happens. What happens is if you chunk it this way during week, then you can plan guilt-free downtime. I say give yourself that Saturday off because you need to decompress and maybe a walk on a Sunday morning for a bit and changing that. I remember I had a photographer in Canada. She came, she was exhausted. I could see no energy. When we looked at it, she was working all the time. That’s what we have with creatives because they’re working for themselves all the time, they feel really guilty giving themselves time off. The work is endless. When you work into someone else, that other person have boundaries in place.
You have those built-in breaks.
It’ll be like, “You have to go home now as you’re not allowed to stay here. We’ll never be in the office.” The boundaries that you have on your weekends as well. Someone else has set those boundaries, you adhere to them. You think, “I’ve put work aside and I can do me, I can do free time.” When you’re creative, it’s just your identity and you didn’t know what you’re doing, so you can do it all the time. If you do it all the time, you’ll end up falling out of love with it. Losing the passion and spark, I hear that a lot. I do tell them, “You have to plan in non-creative time. Tell me when you’re not being you. I don’t care what you do. It could be something that could be done but do something that’s not tied in with your business.” Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
You avoid the feelings of burnout, the symptoms of burnout.
When we did that with my photographer in Canada, we scheduled. I shared my screen with her and showed her what scheduling I use and how I put in times and when I work, it’s an hour or an hour and a half. I’d always give myself break. She started doing that and then she just emailed me like, “For the first time, I gave myself a Saturday off. I haven’t done that in a year.” I was so happy that she finally have a structure in place and structure is so important for creatives. They work in non-structured way and I think having a structure is going to impede them. The opposite is true. Having those boundaries and structures will ease you up because when you’re doing work, you don’t have to think about what in between. You can relax the brain.
Counterintuitive, but very effective.
We have a break again and we go on to step four, which is extraordinary self-belief. I’m sure this isn’t just for creatives. A lot of my clients have this whole grim like, “I’m not good enough.” It shows up in different ways because it will be about perfectionism. They will not necessarily know or admit that it’s because they’ve been in that they’re not going to know but they’ll say, “I haven’t put up my Instagram because it needs some work, and my website needs some work. It needs to have a good quality graphic designer working on it.” They’re trying to make it perfect to save themselves from criticism or being judged. I go, “You’re being judged anyway.” The minute you walk out the door, you’re being judged. This is just inbuilt in human nature.
We’re judging each other for whether that person poses a risk or not. It’s more you lean into you’re just being judged and people’s opinions are their own. Let them have it. You’ve got your own opinions as well. Relaxing around perfectionism and allowing your own humanity. That’s what it’s about. You’re going to be making mistakes because you’re human and to err is human. It’s okay and you’re good enough with mistakes. A lot of the work goes back to just kids. Treat yourself like you treat the kid. If that kid walks and falls, the mom does not berate the kid. She’ll say, “Well done. You made a step forward, you tried. There’s effort in that.”
It’s helping them move towards that unconditional love and acceptance.
One of the techniques I use is have you heard about HeartMath?
They do incredible work and they work with about shooting the heart and we can all get wrapped up in the brain. Even when we’re trying to meditate, sometimes it will still be thoughts and then the brain. The HeartMath technique is a three-minute technique and then you close your eyes, sit and then feel your heart and put your attention there. Then generate a feeling of love or kindness, whatever you had experienced the last month that gave you a warm, fuzzy feeling and tune in to that feeling. It resets a lot if what’s going on. I give that to clients to use when they’re in fear, when they’re stuck in that perfectionism cycle and are like, “I shouldn’t do this.” They reset themselves by just going into your heart and then come back from a place of love and step forward.
Just increasing that coherence. I do love the work that heart math is doing as well.
After that, we go on to how to handle rejections because you’re going to get rejected loads of times, all the time. Being creative or being anything, you’re putting yourself out there and you can get the worst kind of rejection, which is silence. The ones I work with, photographers, makeup artists, hair stylists, fashion stylists, fashion designers. The way it works, you have to reach out to editors or agents, reach out to people to collaborate with. You’re constantly reaching out to people. Sometimes you don’t hear back. What I heard a lot of the time all throughout is people were getting crippled, “I’ve emailed so many people and I haven’t heard anything back.” They make it mean something. They make it mean that they’re not good enough, they make it mean that they’ll never be good enough or they make it mean that they should never, ever be a creative.
They make it the interpretations, the narratives they tell themselves about it.
The nature of the creatives, they work on their own quite a lot. This is the other thing. That was why my calling was always for creatives because sometimes you do make up a story, but when you work in a team and with your teammates that you have, you see every day, your boss, you can come to them and go, “Is it just me or does this mean this?” Someone will tell you, “No. You’re being ridiculous,” and then they’ll continue to calm you down. You don’t have that when you’re working on your own. Some people don’t want to call up their friend and they feel like being a drain on their friend’s time like, “I did this thing and I’m not sure. Is it me? What do you think?” They don’t want to do that, so they just chew in their doubt and the criticism and the cynicism.Time management is about managing your mind about time and within the time that you set. Click To Tweet
You don’t have as much opportunities for the moments of encouragement from others.
With this one, how to handle rejections is I change perspective because some of them had never worked in an office. The people they’re emailing, they don’t know what an office environment is like. I introduce them and this is one of the reasons that we have what’s called quarter-life crisis, where I’ve worked in so many different offices and setups from startups to big corporation to institutes for the luxury industry. I know what people’s time is like and how they get drowned in emails and how their days work. I have that insight to give them say, “Do you know what a fashion editor’s day looks like?” Then walk them through it and then they realize, “That’s what happened. They were in a meeting,” and I’m like, “Yes, so you can follow up and do follow up and you’d be doing them a favor.” I’ve been on the receiving end when I had someone reach out, “Get back to Bob,” and put that on my to-do list and then a week later it’s still on my list. Nothing against Bob, I just got drowned with other things to do. Bob reaches out again. I’m like, “Thank God for that. Thank you so much for reaching out. I’ve been meaning to reply to you.” Just giving them that insight is useful for them. They realize that they’re following up, they’re not being a burden. They’re doing someone a favor sometimes.
I liked the re-interpretations like you said that there could be a pile on a desk, a bunch of emails, there are other reasons than they just didn’t like what you submitted.
Reframing is one of my favorite coaching tools. I remember we had a critical session with the photographer in Bahrain. He was beginning to lose hope completely and he was being quite despondent and he had these big goals. We spoke and most of the questions about keep going and believe it’s nothing against you. Six months later, he got published in Vogue in Saudi Arabia and it’s beyond his goals that he’s set. He’s now setting new goals every three months. It was a beautiful thing to see and it would just imagine and we would go back like, “Imagine if you have given up, you wouldn’t have seen this life and all these things that you can achieve.” It’s about keeping going.
Dina, it’s a wonderful example of the power of coaching to help someone persevere.
I think you said this on the website at Coaching Connector on how a coach will hold your hand and believe in you when you don’t believe in yourself. We don’t 100% of the time believe in ourselves. It’s not possible. We do sometimes need that other person to give us that courage and that faith when we don’t have it. The next one, rolling into that, is creating an optimistic culture. These are the results that will go in direct proportion to your own growth. Growth happens when our brains are in positive mindset. We have a negativity bias in our brain and it’s just the way we’re wired and it’s the way that we survived those caveman days. We looked out for the dangers of lion or dangers of flooding or any dangers. We are wired to pick up on risk negativity on such and wired to take ourselves towards safety, and so we are risk-averse and primed for negativity. It’s training the brain to think a different way to focus in on the positive. It sounds so simple, which is why people don’t do it. They think it’s too simple.
A lot of the tools I use, it comes also from positive psychology is three good things. People have different interpretation of these three things. At the end of the day, make a list of the three good things that happened that day. It has to be that day. The other version of it is list three things you’re grateful for. What I found is that clients listed just the same things and they are quite general, “I’m grateful for running water and safety.” If it was three good things and they have to be different and they had to be about the last 24 hours, then it meant that it was a novel experience every time.
The more variety there was, the more likely the clients will keep on going. The three good things is write down three things that were good that day and why they were good and what role you need in making that come about. You had a great meeting. What role did you play? You spoke out. It was great because you raised your hand and you contributed instead of keeping quiet. It could also be a small thing. Sometimes I work with clients who are quite down. They’ll go through some low time. They say, “I’ve got nothing.” I’m like, “You’re forcing your brain to search and this is the exercise that you’re doing. The mental exercise. Tell me you’ve got nothing and you just rested that.” Your brain will remain in that negative thing, but if you find something, even the little things, then your brain will be like, “It’s not so bad.” Even like watching a sunset and my clients go, “What role did I make in making that happen?” I’ll go, “You stopped to appreciate it. You lifted up away from the computer screen and you appreciated nature.”
Getting it off that default of the negativity.
I will say, this one tool, if I had to only pick one tool from my whole coaching creatives practice is that one because I’ve seen it work. When you do it every day for at least two weeks, my clients have transformed. I can read it in their email, they’re so much more positive. Once you’re positive, you’re so much more optimistic about what’s going to happen and about what you are capable of doing. We get into money mindset, which is my favorite. It’s such a juicy topic. Do you talk about money in your coaching?
It’s often a topic of a lot of stress, anxiety, conflict, so yes but not only for creatives but for everyone.
This is why I love it because money is something that affects everyone. We grow up around it. It’s a weed that goes through everything. I looked back into the beliefs when the beliefs are formed, which was in childhood, about what they observed their parents acted, how they act around money. I had this one client who was a makeup artist and an Italian one. She came to me. She’s like, “I can’t save. I get through money. Money comes and it leaves my pocket instantly.” I could see her smiling when she’s saying that. She’s quite proud of that. I think she wants to change. We looked at her money beliefs, and we did a little exercise about looking at what her parents thought about money and said about money. She said, “There’s this Italian phrase that got brandished around quite a lot when I was younger,” and rough translation of you can’t take your money to your coffin. She has this belief about all the money is not going to have a future. I don’t need it later on. That’s why it was so transient in her life. Her parents who she saw modeled was how her parents got money, spent money and got money, spent money and they never saved. She didn’t have that in her identity.
The other thing that we worked with her on is that she got money and spent it and then was waiting for the next job. I bet like her parents, where her parents worked in a company. They had a monthly paycheck. That was how they got money and they spent it all, but didn’t do anything about it because they didn’t need to do anything about it because then the next month will come in and money would automatically come in. She worked for herself and she did that and I said, “Do you know you can generate any amount of money you want?” She hadn’t even thought about that. I said, “You’ve got a certain number of hours that you’ve got your clients that you work with.” She at that point wanted to fly to London to work on Fashion Week, which would propel her career and she didn’t have enough money for that. I said, “You can take on as many clients as you want and you can generate as much money you want in that one month. You have the full capability of doing that. You don’t have to do this every single month, but you can give yourself a huge cash injection.”
She, surprisingly enough, never thought about that because what she observed of how money came into her life and how it was spent was all from her parents who worked for someone else. Examining your first formations of money is quite a powerful thing. We talked about fear of success, which people don’t think they have. They think, “I welcome success. I’d love success. I do want that.” I go, “Tell me what you think will come with that.” When we explore a little deeper, I had a client that says, “It takes a lot of hard work to be successful. If I was to make more money, that was going to be more responsibility and I can’t cope with that.” That was one of the money beliefs that she had out of success. That’s why she was always making sure she wasn’t getting there, wasn’t making more money, wasn’t taking on more work because she thought it was going to be a burden.
Consciously wanting success, but then that subconscious mind coming along and saying in the background, “No. With that, that’s going to be harder. There’s going to be more responsibility, more pressure.”
We see being scared of that and pushing that away. The other thing is there are a lot of emotion with money and one of them is guilt. It’s all about being wrapped up. When we speak about how much do you earn and the first notion comes up is a creative will say “I earn this much per day or per hour,” and they get resentful because they do a lot of work and didn’t get paid much. Especially for example, if a photographer gets some clients and will hire them for the day and they’ll say, “You shoot for the day.” They forget that after that day’s done, photographer will go home and go through all the hundreds of photos to edit out and Photoshop what’s needed to be especially in a wedding. They can give you all of that. It’s not just one day’s work. It’s a lot more that goes into it.
People forget about that and they negotiate and even bully the photographers. They’re like, “No, I’m not paying that much more. It’s ridiculous how much money.” They only paid for the day. If that month, if they needed a job and that money, they’ll take it but then they’ll feel resentful and they’ll feel low in confidence about themselves as well because they’re putting in four days’ work or maybe three days’ work and get paid for one. The feeling with that would be resentment. They’d also feel guilty. What I’ve done with that, I go, “It’s not as bad as someone else. Other people have it worse. At least you’ve got a room, got a place to live.” It’s like a tightly wrapped emotional subject, which we have to unwrap and say, “It’s okay to want more money.”
Giving them permission.
You don’t need to feel guilty about that. You’re not responsible for the whole world. You’re responsible for your finances. The other thing is also I encountered a lot of my creatives, they feel they deserve that much money. If I talk about, “How would you feel about doubling or tripling your income?” They’re like, “I haven’t worked hard enough for it,” because they love what they do. A lot of the time with our early impressions, you get raised. What we see is people working really hard. We hear it in films and series like, “I’ve worked overtime.” Hustling and grinding and just knuckle down and worked so hard to earn that much money.” We think, “We need to be burnt out. We need to be struggling for our money.” When it comes quite easy is when you do photoshoot, you do someone’s makeup and you’re chatting away and you love your client and it’s so easy, it flows. A lot of my clients think they don’t deserve to get paid for that. It’s too easy. It’s too fun, which is crazy if you think about it.
Changing those core beliefs into it’s okay to want more money, it’s okay to feel you deserve more money.Growth happens when our brains are in positive mindset. Click To Tweet
It’s okay to have fun and be paid for it. They’re like, “Am I allowed?” They’re accusing, which is so funny. We changed that one. We also go into diversifying their income stream. It’s about getting creative about how you create money. Especially now, we live in the most amazing time where like you’re in America and in the UK and we’ve connected over a shared passion, shared belief. This is possible in the time we live in. There are so much possibilities out there of rising together. This is what I was saying. You don’t have to do it alone. Tap into the collaboration part of being creative where you can help someone else out and therefore leverage your client base, leverage success. It’s brainstorming around because I’ve had quite loads of clients. The case examples, I can make suggestions where they wouldn’t even think about it.
I had a client, a photographer. She found that she was like, “I’m onto the cash cow.” She found that the weekends she’d come up to pet store and take pictures of people and their pets. She’s like, “You don’t understand. I usually work with clients who don’t look at the images or if they look at them, they say it’s crap. These pet owners, they thank me for the work. They love the images and it’s going on their fireplace. It’s not going into magazine just for that monthly issue to be thrown away. It’s on their fireplace and I’ve given them so much joy and they absolutely love it.” She tapped into this new way of making money, which I give out to my clients. I’m like, “Find a pet store.”
It’s about empowering each other.
I’m fine with sharing ideas of what’s happening. Maybe they’re not all going to be competition because my clients are on all around the world. It’s interesting what people come up with and then being able to share that. It’s very nice. The last two, building your team. Creatives start working for themselves by themselves. The idea to hire someone, that doesn’t even come into their heads and they think, “I should be swimming in money when I hire people. I can’t hire them now.” I had an example. I had a photographer, he’s in India and he had two coaches before me. This is what I was talking about. He was getting out of love of photography. He was burnt out and had lost the spark and he said, “I’ve been working loads. I’ve got lots of clients, but I don’t have time. Because I don’t have time, I’m working seven days a week, I sometimes don’t do anything. I just lie there and procrastinate.” It sounded to me like he’s ready to have an assistant because what the other coaches told him about was, “You should say no. You should say no to clients and you should free up your diary and give yourself a weekend.”
He was quite ambitious and driven. I could see that he loved working, loved the clients he was getting. He was getting some high-end brands coming to him and wanting his work. To say no to that was a bit counterintuitive, but he didn’t know how to cope. I said, “You’re ready to hire.” This was brand new information to him because when you’re working on your own, when you’re in a team sometimes, let’s say you’re working with a corporation or an organization. Your manager will say you’re ready for promotion or something that will be clear signs or you have to do this and this to become a manager. There are very clear signs and steps. When you’re working for yourself, it’s not that clear pot and you won’t be able to always see it. When I listened to him and his working week, I know one of the first steps you do as a photographer is give work out to photo edit them, so you give the editing part away to someone else. It sounded like he was going to be ready in the next four months to maybe hire an assistant. We worked on building a team, which was making lists of all the things that you’re going to be giving to that person, the little jobs.
Helping them not fall into that trap of trying to do it all themselves.
Acting before they’re ready. Having a list of like, “These are things that my assistant is going to do,” so that when they feel they’re ready money-wise, for him was in two months and three months after we started, then he could give that list. It wasn’t that big a deal or wasn’t that much of a headache to integrate someone. The last one we do is celebrate, a whole session on celebrating. The reason for that is because I saw my clients minimizing their wins. They get published out at Vogue and I’d be like, “This is huge.” “Yes, it’s great,” and then they tell me about the problems. “No. Have you celebrated?” They didn’t even think about going out to celebrate. It’s what happens when you’re working on your own, turn around and high five. I said you have to build in the little celebrations because that’s a time when you can pause and feel proud of yourself because if you’re not going to feel proud of yourself, who else is there? What happens is if you don’t have those little moments of celebrations and pausing and reflecting and being like, “I tried and I got what I wanted.” If you don’t have them, then it will be a fruitless life because you’re working always.
Taking the time to be very mindful, like stop and think about what you accomplished here.
That’s what we end on, celebrate their success.
What a wonderful program. I can see easily how it would benefit so many people. Is there a final word of wisdom you’d like to leave for our readers?
It’s on my landing page on my website. When you go there, it says, “Now is the perfect time to start.” It’s about starting before you’re ready. If you’re reading this and you’re ready, thinking of making changes in your life, don’t wait until the weekend. Don’t wait until another time. Make a note and set yourself in action to do something about it now.
Even if it’s a small step, start taking the step. Dina, this has been wonderful. I’m very excited about the information, the techniques, your whole program. I could easily see how it can continue that pattern of growth for creatives and others.
Thank you so much, Lisa. It’s honestly been an absolute pleasure to share all these steps with you and to have someone like you listen and gave me the arena. It’s been amazing. Thank you so much.
It’s been our pleasure. Dina, what is the best way for our readers to contact you?
Dina also has a profile on The Coaching Connector, which is www.TheCoachingConnector.com, so please be sure to check out her profile there as well. Thank you again, Dina. It’s been a pleasure. I’m very excited about all the wonderful information you’ve shared with us.
Thank you so much, Lisa. Honestly, what you’re doing is amazing. You’re connecting people and you’re sharing so much wonderful knowledge, so thank you so much to you.
Thank you. That brings us to the end of this episode. Please remember to visit www.TheCoachingConnector.com for more articles on Guiding You Through The Maze to your best personal and professional life. Also, please remember to subscribe to Guiding You Through The Maze and share the link with anyone you think would benefit from the information we’re presenting. We’re glad to be part of your journey. This is Lisa Lentino signing off and wishing you much success.
About Dina Grishin
- Lentino, L.M. (2014). Constructive thinking how to grow beyond your mind. Sudbury, MA: Grow Beyond Your Mind.